Today's the Day

   Yup. Today's the two year anniversary of my M-i-L's passing. I spoke to Hubs a few days ago, and asked him if he thought we could go up to the cemetery, for a short visit. He concurred, so off we went, shortly before noon.


    It's quite a ways north of here, up in Columbia County, at a very quiet church. It's really a peaceful place. The weather even cooperated, it was gorgeous out today. I don't think Hubs really enjoys going there, but I think his mom likes it. On the way, I usually think of all these things that I want to say to her, and to her husband also, since he's there too. But when we get there, and when I start to talk, I get choked up. So I end up talking to her in my head. Today, I did manage to say out loud that she got her fondest wish, that our son, her only natural grandchild, is living in their house. Both she and Tom wanted that.  I hope it makes them happy.


    I really meant to take my camera up there with us, I can't believe it forgot it. I wanted to get photos of the cemetery, and the headstone. On the drive up, we stopped and Hubs bought an evergreen wreath, which we placed on the ground in front of the headstone. We decided we didn't want to block it, or Tom's veteran placque.


    On the way home, we stopped at a little local diner in Red Hook, and had lunch. Then we completed our journey. I think it does us good to stop and remember our departed family members every once in a while. For me, it's a very spiritual experience, I feel cleansed afterwards, and renewed.  < Deep breath > Thanks, Betty, for raising your son so very well.....

Does the loss ever fade?

    There I was, going about my day as usual. I went to Stitch n Bitch this morning, hung around the house for a while, then headed to the mall to get my paychecks. Two, because I refused to leave my house last  Friday, Black Friday.


    I had been to the bank to cash the checks, and to the supermarket to buy tonight's meat for dinner. I was almost home. Now, I know that in three days, it's the two year anniversary of Mother-in-law's death. I have been aware of it for a while. But when I turned off Rte. 9, onto the side street that comes out near my house, there is a funeral procession lining up on the side of the road. The fact that it was the same local funeral home that took care of Betty might have made it even more poignant.


    I see the cars, and, as I drive by, the tears start. By the time I get to the other end of the short road, they are running down my face. Just seeing that makes the water works start, brings back all the memories. This surprises me. You think you are over it, then something brings all those feelings roaring back, seemingly as fresh as that day. I'm even in tears as I type this!


   I mean, really, there wasn't even a funeral, she was cremated. We did have a nice memorial service the next May, and buried her ashes with those of her husband.  But still, death is death, and loss is loss. I feel it keenly even now, two years after the fact. Hence my question, does it ever fade?