Today, as I sit here drinking my orange juice, I have in mind two stories to tell you. But which one to share today? I've been thinking a lot about a former friend and how she got that way. It still makes me angry, even now. So that's the one you shall hear about!
Years ago, I worked at a small manufacturing place, with a small work force. It had four shifts that rotated through the week, 24/7. As usually happens in such situations, some of us became close friends, even spending time together on our days off.
I had my own apartment, but was having trouble paying all my bills on time. So I decided to take on a room mate. "C" was more than ready to move out of her mother's house. So she moved in with my daughter and I. The very first thing, she moved in two weeks earlier than we had agreed, and didn't pay for the whole month. Now, I had a two bedroom apartment, and in order to accommodate a room mate, I had to share my bedroom with my daughter. So we moved her into my room and C took her room.
It was a rocky relationship from the start. She didn't know how to lock the bathroom door, I guess she'd never seen a "push and turn to lock" door knob before. So instead of asking me how to lock the door, she refused to shower when my daughter had friends over to play. She stood there, towel in hand, asking if the guest was leaving so she could shower. She thought someone would walk into the bathroom on her while she was showering. It was a small apartment. We knew when someone was using the bathroom.
C also objected to my keeping my scissors on top of the refrigerator. That was where I wanted them, they were easy to find. It got to the point that I fantasized moving out on her, because everything was mine, the dishes, the living room drapes, all the furniture, everything! Everything except for her bedroom stuff. She would wake up and there's nothing in the place, not even my scissors.
Then I met my future husband. C objected to him from the beginning. He would sleep over, and she didn't like that at all. Unbeknownst to me, she went to my mother and told her that he was only seeing me for sex. She really did! I didn't know about that one for a long time, until after we were married.
She finally decided that she had had enough, and found herself a small apartment in another town. Buh-bye! All in all, we were room mates for less than a year. She moved in in January, I met Hubs in June, and we were married in December, and she was long gone by then! But she left a lasting impression.
C and I remained friends, even after the company we worked for moved out of state, and I left that job. She followed the job to another state. She met a guy, fell in love, again, and they bought a house together. He, as far as I know, he is still refusing to marry her. If they are even still together. Mind you, this is like twenty years ago.
She would call me when she was coming back to NY for a visit, and we would meet, and spend time together. How many times did I urge her to drop that guy, make him buy out her half of their house? I've lost track. She wasn't happy and I tried to help. She liked that I was so straight with her.
The visits got further and further apart. Finally, we were just emailing each other. One day, just a few years ago, I emailed her with the news that my daughter had found her knight in shining armor. She was getting married! I was so happy, and wanted to spread the joy. Well, she sent me back an email saying how immature my girl was, and totally making a mistake, etc., etc.. Since then I have forgotten exactly what she wrote. Mind you, my child is now a grown woman, in her thirties. She went to college. And graduated with a very high GPA. She also has a job she loves, teaching at a nursery school. My "friend" objected to the fact that my future son-in-law gave up his own apartment to move home into his mom's basement to save money for the wedding and a house. And C objected to the fact that he worked in a supermarket. In my opinion, teaching, and working in a supermarket are two jobs that will endure, even when the economy is bad! People still need to eat, and educate their kids!!
I steamed when I read her email. I immediately started an answer, blasting her every nasty comment. Then I stopped. I decided she wasn't worth it. I never did answer her. I deleted all her contact info from my computer, my cell phone, my address books and my home phone.
To this day, I have had no contact with her. I hope she's happy. But I know she's not. She's a very bitter middle aged single woman living with a man who doesn't know how to love because his parents never showed anyone any affection. Not even each other!
C was never happy with her own family, so she made friends into family. I was her "sister", she had adopted "aunts" and "uncles" and all kinds of other pretend relatives.
The best thing that can happen, is for my daughter and her husband to be happy in their gorgeous little house with the white picket fence (for real), and to love each other for ever and ever. That'll show that bitch. I feel compelled to add that Hubs never liked her from the beginning.
Hopefully, this will help me feel a bit more charitable to my former friend. NAH - I am not exactly the charitable type... and she attacked my child. NEVER attack my child. I will come down on you with a wrath not unlike a mama bear.
And this mama bear is now done telling her tale. I would love to hear any comments or thoughts on this, if you dare... Just kidding. You hope.
I think the most charitable thing you did for this friend was sever contact. Maybe, just maybe, she'll realize her mistake(s). However, you are very charitable, giving and loving toward everyone- at least the Kim I know is- but possessing these qualities does not mean you also must be a doormat! I've broken off friendships because they became stifling, smothering affairs and there's only so much you can give. It goes both ways, right?
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