What the Teen Saw and Learned

   I learned an important lesson in parenting when I was just a teenager. I was hanging out at a friends house. She lived in a small duplex development in Wappingers. The streets were all dead ends, and it's just off the main north/south arterial. There isn't a lot of traffic in there.

   We were hanging out outside as it was a nice day. It must have been in the summer, as there were kids all over the place, playing. These two kids got into a scuffle in the street, fighting. Their respective moms came running out of their houses, and pulled the boys apart.

   The moms then started screaming at each other, each one blaming the other's boy for starting the fight. As I watched the moms go at it, the two boys went off together again, their fight forgotten. They were playing together again like nothing had happened.

   I watched this surreal scene, and realized that the moms were way too involved with their kids activities. How are these kids going to learn how to resolve their differences if mom always steps in? Obviously, the kids did learn, despite their insane mothers. I decided right there, after witnessing this episode, to let my kids deal with their own conflicts. I am ready to step in if needed, but they need to learn to deal with other people themselves.

   This is but one of the lessons I learned. Parenting is such an individual activity, subject to our own points of view, but it seems that no matter what you do, most kids turn out OK. I knew this one woman who, even though her daughter was 4 or more years old, still insisted on talking to her in baby talk. She also never let this kid feed herself, or anything. How is a child supposed to learn? We, as parents, are supposed to teach them how to live in the world. Teach them how to take care of themselves. Teach them proper values, etiquette, diplomacy, etc.

   And, when the time is right, teach them how to knit or crochet, or both! But first they have to be old enough. And each child gets there at his or her own pace. Too many parents are refusing to let their kids grow up. It's like they forgot, THIS IS OUR JOB. Give them some freedom to make mistakes. And make sure they learn from them when they do.

   I can only assume that we have been extremely blessed with our son. He somehow grew up to be extremely committed, dedicated, loyal, and honest. He somehow grew up to be more mature than his parents! I like to think that it was because I let him be a kid. He had freedom, and didn't abuse it. therefore he earned even more. He never succumbed to peer pressure, at least not too much. He knew his own mind, and what was right and what was wrong. And he usually refused to participate in what he knew was wrong. I applaud him, and could not be prouder of him and how he turned out.

   I think he is going to be a great teacher, and a great dad someday. But not too soon!